I recently read an interesting blog post written by a woman who used to weigh 300 pounds and lost half of her overall weight. What was unique about this post was that she was writing about the things she misses from being overweight. Here is the link if you’d like to also read it.
It was strange, I hadn’t really thought much about what I missed from being heavier and what possible negative side effects I have found in my life now that I am smaller. My weight loss was not as extreme as the author’s, but there were parts of it that I could easily relate with. For example, one of her observations was the struggle with getting comfortable, and how it can sometimes be more difficult now with less cushion on the body. She mentioned needing lots of pillows and how her knee bones press together when sleeping on her side. I can completely relate. I took some time to reflect on my own changes, to see if I could find pieces from the “old me” that I missed, or if there are problems I now face.
I just discovered one problem this week. I’ve been feeling under the weather, very bad allergies. I decided to take a decongestant, so I opted for Sudafed. After taking it, I began to feel very anxious and started pacing around the house. I kept feeling like there was something I needed to do, like I felt an urge to organize my closet. Very strange, plus my head felt tingly. I mentioned how I was feeling to my husband Matt, not having put it together myself yet. He said that I was probably feeling a little cracked out from the Sudafed. I was confused, I had taken it in the past with no issues. Matt quickly pointed out that when I took it in the past I weighed at least 30-40 more lbs. My smaller body was processing it differently and I was feeling the nutty effects more intensely than I had in my past. Pretty inconvenient, as it probably works the best to make me feel less congested, but left me feeling extremely on edge.
And these days it is not just medicine affecting me in a more intense way… alcohol does as well. I have to be super careful when I drink these days. My tolerance is incredibly low. I mentioned in my last post I am cutting back. This is for a lot of reasons, (like empty calories and bloat) but one big issue is having a hard time not getting completely shithoused. I can honestly get a hard buzz – even drunk – after 2 drinks depending on how much I’ve eaten or how fast I drink. This can be a surprise disaster, and I’m not a huge fan of losing control. It’s crazy, I used to have a high tolerance and be able to keep up drinking with most average sized men. Now, I’m a complete lightweight with the booze.
Other than fluff for comfort, another physical change is that I sort of lost my boobs. Plain and simple, I used to have pretty big ones when I was heavy. Now I’m not flat chested, but they are much smaller. I miss wearing shirts where I could put the cleavage out! Not too much of it these days. I’m not overwhelmingly disappointed, I am still fond and proud of what I have, but man… what a difference. See??
Food peer pressure is different too. Let me explain: if a friend or coworker offered me something fattening/naughty back when I was chubby, if I declined I wouldn’t get too much push back (Maybe an “are you sure?” response). Now I am sometimes met with either a groan or an eye roll, even teasing. It’s not that I don’t eat naughty food – I’ve just never been much of a sweet-food person so I’ve not usually been one to lose their shit when brownies or donuts are in site. I’m also not hungry all the time anymore, my stomach has adjusted to how much food I eat now versus the giant portions I used to put down. Trust me when I say I am not about food shaming, everyone deserves to treat themselves. I absolutely splurge on naughty food, I’m just typically a little more calculated about it than some.
I don’t mean for this post to come across as me whining about losing weight – I am truly happy with what changes I’ve made and what I’ve accomplished in this journey. I just thought it was interesting to look at from another angle. Oh, one more thing that happens to me all the time that (while it sucks) helps keep me honest: I frequently have nightmares that I’m going to wake up and the weight loss will have been a dream and I will be fat again. Boy, that puts the fear in me.