Current status: 123 pounds, 19.3 BMI. (I am 5′ 7″ for anyone wondering)
Feeling good about my progress. I’m not really trying to lose weight anymore, but I still have a mini goal in my back pocket to reach 120 pounds at some point. It’s nice to have a little weight goal, I suppose, but I’m not pushing hard for it.
One of the big reasons I started this was to better fit into my clothes. For example: I used to never, ever tuck in a shirt. Because I overcame that fear over the past few months, I’ve decided to use my outfit from a few days ago as my progress picture:
No muffin top! No love handles! Smooth sides. That is one of those things I never valued when I was young and effortlessly had slim sides. Now that I have earned that back, I’m proud.
I am going to be able to do some more trail running soon, with a temporary change happening with my work schedule. Since I love it, and even just hiking in general, I decided it was time to upgrade my shoes. All I had was a pair of running shoes that I’d been wearing out for well over a year. I know I waited too long to replace my sneakers – I used the same pair for every gym trip, every run, and even for hiking. They were good shoes, but I definitely went beyond than the recommended replacement length in them. I decided to upgrade by getting new running shoes and also new trail running shoes! I love them both. Haven’t snapped a picture of my running shoes yet, but here are my trail shoes taken during yesterday’s hike:
I have a couple of new goals. I am focused on my upcoming 5k, which is just barely over 3 miles. I can currently run it in just a little over 30 minutes. Last time I tried I did it in about 33 minutes. My goal is to slice a tiny bit of time off and hit the 5k in 30 minutes or less. My other goal is to not hurt anymore though. I hurt my knee when I did the first trail run. I also hurt the same knee doing my last 5k practice. It was all my fault too, I didn’t stretch! What a dummy. Ultimately the goal is to not only get better at the 5k, but to take care of myself while doing so! I want to be able to keep on doing this for a long time, I need to take care of these joints and muscles. I mean, I’m already 33 – no more youthful and near immediate bouncing back after injuries. This was my painful reminder to ALWAYS stretch before running.
This morning was strange. Where do I start? …Let’s roll back a couple days. I recently got some leggings in the mail (Blackmilk!!) that I had ordered. I was very excited about them, and posted this picture to my Instagram:
My husband and I were talking about how they looked, he complimented my legs and after thanking him I relayed a strange story about my childhood. When I was in middle school we had career days where professionals of various types would come and talk to the students about their jobs. One particularly messed up one was a model talent scout. I remember one thing from her talk to us 12 and 13 year old girls: she was the first person to ever tell me that you are worthless without a thigh gap (which I disagree with, for the record). She said she would immediately disqualify any hopeful model who didn’t have the “perfect triangle” in the upper part of her thighs. Needless to say, this messed me up for awhile and gave me weird body issues. What a fucked up thing to dump on prepubescent little girls! Regardless, when looking at this photo with him I pointed out that it was kind of neat that I had one and done so with exercise and eating healthy.
That brings me to this morning. I should start by saying sometimes I am kind of oblivious. I don’t like thinking about how there are thousands of people who struggle with eating disorders. I feel so removed from that kind of thinking that I just don’t think about it much. I guess that’s a good thing? Or just ignorance, and for that I feel bad. I tried to put the hashtag “#thighgap” into Instagram to see what other (in my head) success stories and fit folks I might find who have one. Woops.
First of all, Instagram tells me that there are no tags that match ‘thighgap.’ Weird, I think to myself. So I search for #thigh. Suddenly, I see #thighgaps, #thighgapp, #thighgab and so on. Confused, I click on #thighgaps. And here is where my morning spiraled downward. First, I get a warning that I may see graphic pictures, and Instagram tells me to click on a link to learn more about eating disorders… uh oh. I prepare myself and click to show posts. All I find is picture upon picture of girls that are skin and bones. Pictures with words on them; saying for each like they will fast for 2 hours, or ‘skip dinner get thinner.’ Pictures of girls who have their feet together and yet NO part of their legs are touching, like dainty little twigs. It broke my heart. I didn’t even realize I had started to cry until I felt my cheeks were getting wet with tears. I am not interested in any form of body shaming so I will not post any example pictures here.
Please please please understand that while I am a control freak and keep close watch on what I eat, how many calories I consume, and how much I exercise, it’s ALL within totally healthy boundaries for a woman of my age/height/etc. If you happened upon this blog and you are eating less than 1200 calories a day, or you fast/skip meals, or simply identify as anorexic or bulimic… honey there are other options. They hurt much less. I know nothing I write here will fix anyone who is going through it, but I just feel like I have to put this out there. Healthy doesn’t hurt. Thin shouldn’t be torture. Love your body and treat it well, it’s the only one you get.
Can you believe I have been able to use “10 miles” as a description for not one but two blog posts now? Shocking.
The title is appropriate again today because I successfully completed my first trail run. It was just over 10 miles! Admittedly there were stretches where I had to walk, as there are a lot of uphill sections and rocky bits that I had to slow for. Also, GODDAMN 10 miles is far!
It was so much fun though. When we started out it was not quite sunrise, the sky was still pretty dark. And it was cold. I suck in cold weather, but I knew once we got moving I wouldn’t be as uncomfortable. My muscles burn now, plus I fell once and am nursing a very sore knee (plus scraped up hands)… but in spite of all that I can’t wait to be able to do it again. It was exhilarating. I felt like a badass running down those narrow pathways, bouncing along rocks and jogging through valleys.
This is going to sound ridiculous but while running I kept having the mental image of Jodie Foster at the beginning of Silence of the Lambs when she is barging through that FBI Academy obstacle course. The thought of her doing that actually helped motivate me when I was feeling pooped. Whatever works, right?
I keep on doing things I didn’t think I could do. I am in the best shape of my life, better now in my mid thirties than at any point of my twenties. I don’t intend to slow down either.
On my last progress post I stated that I wanted to sign up for a 5k and start training towards longer races, like a half marathon. I’m already making good on both of those goals!
I have officially signed up for my first 5k. In March I will be participating in the Run to Fight Children’s Cancer. Stoked! I’ve been invited to run on a team, and I think I’ve even successfully talked my best friend into running with me. *Pats self on back*
As for longer distance training… this one scares me, I have to admit. There is a group of folks from my work that get together and go trail running a few days a week. Unfortunately they typically go on days I can’t. I have an unconventional work week; my weekends are Sunday and Monday plus my workday starts at the freakishly early hour of 6:30 AM – there isn’t a chance for me to go and then work after and they don’t happen to run on my days off. BUT! This week I have a few personal days off and they are hitting the trail on Saturday morning. I am going to join them. Here’s where I get jittery: it’s over 9 miles. I’ve been reassured that it’s a very slow pace and it’s OK to walk the tough parts. It’s a trail I typically go hiking on, a lot of steep inclines then drops. I was worried I’d get made fun of for walking instead of running up the mountains but was told that was normal, no worries. So… I am going for it. And fucking nervous as all hell. But it’s worth trying! I’m a big fan of meeting goals, I don’t think many things in life feel as good as conquering something you didn’t think you could do. If I eat shit, so be it. However, I have been working hard at increasing my stamina and endurance. I think this is a great way to see what I can really do. Wish me luck, I’ll update with how it went later.